You might think I’m a little weird writing this to you now.
Am I pregnant? No. Am I married? Absolutely not. I’m not even in a relationship. There aren’t even any prospects. It’s just me.
Do I think I’m ready to be a mother at this very moment? No, I do not. But, I know one day I will and because of that, this letter is for you.
I’m writing this to you because although I’m only 32 and may not have accomplished a lot according to some of society’s standards, I feel proud of myself. I am proud of how brave & bold I was to follow my dream of living in another country, explore the world, and more importantly, explore myself.
You see Princess, my dream was born roughly six or seven years ago. It dawned on me at the age of 30 that I better get going on REALLY living the life I envisioned for myself before it was too late. It’s important to note that when I say “too late” I don’t mean that I couldn’t do something like this at 35, 40 or 45. It’s never too late to follow your dreams. By “too late,” I meant before I became a wife and your mother.
You see, once I become a mother, you will be my priority. However, there are certain experiences that I want to have before all of that happens.
This may come as a surprise but you’ve played an integral role in my decision making process. I want to be the best example for you that I can possibly be. And what kind of example am I to you if I don’t work on being the best person I can be? How can I tell you to follow your dreams if I haven’t chased after the things that set my soul on fire?
I want you to be proud of me. But before that happens, I have to be proud of myself. There are so many things I want to do with my life. I may not accomplish them all before you come, but I plan crossing some things off the list.
Now, because I chose to move halfway around the world at 31, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid I was jeopardizing my chances of meeting your father. But that’s really silly of me to think. There’s pressure for women my age have to get married by a certain time (I hope this goes away by the time you become a young woman). I’m learning that idea is some BS.
Take this as a lesson: Don’t follow anyone else’s timeline but your own. I’m realizing that by finding myself, my purpose, and doing things I love, I’m convinced that your father is somewhere, looking for me. He could be here in Spain, somewhere else in Europe, Africa, back in the US, or I may already know him! Since it’s his job to find me, you know what I’m going to do? I’m just going to do me and live my life to the fullest.
Another lesson for you: The most important relationship you have outside of your relationship with God, is with yourself. You must do whatever you need to do for you and your happiness before any man or woman (but please don’t break the law unless it’s a life or death situation).
As your mom, I promise to not hold you back from your dreams. I promise to support, encourage, and uplift you. I promise to make sure you know everyday that you are kind, beautiful, smart, talented, and one-of-a-kind. You will have gifts to contribute to the world that no one else will have besides you. I promise to do these things because my parents did the same for me. Hence, the reason why I am where I am today.
If I have a son, this letter is for him as well. The reason why I address this to you is because you see, as a black woman, you’ll have a lot to deal with growing up in this society. It’s getting better day-by-day, but it’s important for me to tell you now, that you are magic. I am magic. We are magic. Take that with you wherever you go.
Be strong, be fearless, and never hesitate to speak your truth. Remember that your body is yours and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Have fun, be a good friend, give back, see the world as much as you can, and kick butt. You’re allowed to because your mother says so.
I hope this letter gives you some insight into who I was before you came along. I plan on staying true to the woman I am becoming. Although I will be your mother, it’s important for me to not lose myself in the process. There’s no doubt that you will make me a better person but I want to continue to take care of myself so that I can be the best mother for you. There are so many more things to say, but I felt compelled to leave you with this message for now while on a train in Spain.
P.S. – If I ever try to hold you back from anything because of my fear of losing you, remind me of this letter and I will back off.